Fallen Down
by Pikapegasus
Summary: Frisk feels guilty. Toriel is worried. It's time for Frisk to truthfully open up about their long journey through the Underground to their mother. (Oneshot.)


**A/N:**

* ( Written in second person, just like the game. Deals with a post-several-different-neutral-endings pacifist ending, therefore there are nightmares and uncertainty. Featuring our favorite goat mom. )

* ( Yes, there are **major** **spoilers** , so beware... )

* * *

You woke up shaking, gasping for air as your eyes stung with tears. Your throat burned from the combination of your lack of breath and the urge to cry, while the nighttime darkness of your room did nothing to reassure you.

You'd had a nightmare, you quickly remembered. The images of past timelines had returned to torment your tired mind, as usual these days. You'd freed the monsters and returned to the Surface with them not too long ago, but the sunny days that ensured your newfound family a bright future only contrasted with your dark knowledge of what you'd done before.

The times you killed out of frustration and curiosity, only to reset out of regret. Flowey would laugh at you every single time, finding amusement in your struggle for self-control and satisfaction.

Footsteps in the hallway grounded you in the moment, as your mind was drawn from the monstrous flower to his true mother, Toriel, who was lumbering through your door and into your room, eyebrows furrowed and eyes dark with worry. She crossed your room in less than a second, her soft paws outreached to snatch you up from the negative atmosphere of your bed. You returned the gesture, meeting her part-way with your own hands that hastily snaked around her neck, your head soon following.

As you pressed your cheek against the thick, comforting fur of her jaw, you felt Toriel's large paw travel up and down your back (which wasn't a lengthy distance - Toriel was just _huge_ compared to you, her paws included). Toriel held you tightly, her embrace immediately warming you from the cold sweat you woke up in.

Toriel's paw moved up to your hair, stroking lightly. You felt her turn her head to look at you, and you thought you had a pretty good idea of what her concerned expression looked like (not only did this seem to be the millionth time Toriel comforted you after a nightmare, but you also apparently scared her on a daily basis just doing normal things; with Sans, you figured you did at least seven things a day that worried Toriel, as she suffered from what she'd self-diagnosed as 'mother's worry').

"My child," she spoke softly, knowing (from experience) you were easily startled in this state, "are you alright?"

You hesitated in your answer, taking a moment to gather yourself. As always, you felt better now that Toriel was here with you; you told her as such.

"I will always be here for you," Toriel reminded, her tone a bit lighter now.

You already felt the intimidating darkness of your room seeping away just from the sound of her voice. Yet, at the same time, the horror of the things you've done before - what you've done to _Toriel_ before, in other timelines - returned to your mind, and your grip on your adoptive mother tightened.

Toriel squeezed back. "Frisk, please," she pleaded, "tell me what has been attacking you in your dreams."

No, you immediately thought. You could never tell Toriel about the other timelines, about the times you took your anger out on her and the others. Not only would it jeopardize the great potential for a future spent with your friends, but it would also reopen old wounds about Toriel and Asgore's lost children, who had both dragged you into this mess of manipulating the world in the first place.

The curiosity you held for the future depending on whom of your friends you killed had manifested itself in a bloodthirsty streak from the soul of Chara, the first human child to fall into the Underground. Chara had befriended the son of Toriel and Asgore, Asriel, to ultimately break the Barrier separating the Underground from the Surface. From the dark whispers in your mind which you knew originated from Chara, their intentions behind destroying the Barrier were evil; simply put, they wanted to become God.

Asriel, the innocent child, was nothing more than a pawn in Chara's plan, but he treated them like a true sibling. He went along with what Chara said, but died as a result; he was resurrected as Flowey, a true reflection of his deep fears of Chara and their intentions, and lacked the compassion to leave you alone on your journey. In fact, the times you screwed up and killed out of frustration were often _because_ of Flowey. You'd carefully navigated your way through the Underground the first time, not killing anyone, but then Flowey had appeared and killed Asgore, only to then kill you multiple times. Flowey ruined everything, and you ultimately fell victim to the temptation to kill him once you defeated his larger form.

Following that first try to 'win the game,' as Chara and Flowey both seemed to call it, you were often tempted by your curiosity. Questions like, _What would happen if I defeated the dummy in the Ruins?_ quickly became, _What would happen if I killed Toriel?_ With each sin you committed, Chara's grip on your judgment grew a bit stronger.

After you killed Toriel that time, you didn't want to play that timeline anymore. When you saw her betrayed expression, her eyes turning from compassionate determination to utter shock and resignation, you realized this was not how things were meant to be. You fought Chara inside of you after that to reset the timeline, only to go onto several more attempts at a perfect ending in which you killed someone else.

Papyrus had faith in you until the very end. Undyne protected the Monster Kid when you lunged at him. Mettaton was...well, by killing Mettaton and Undyne, you basically killed Alphys, too.

And now, you knew when you killed Flowey, you killed Toriel and Asgore's son, just as Chara had before you.

 _Were the two of you really that different?_

"You went on a journey that is quite fearful for a child your age," Toriel reminded when you didn't say anything. "It is only natural that things will continue to scare you for a very long time."

Toriel had no idea.

The only one who seemed to be somewhat aware of what was going on was Sans, who had always looked at you with a suspicious glint in his eye. His words in every timeline chilled you. If Toriel hadn't specifically asked him to look out for you, you would have died long before your dinner date with him at the resort, according to him. Just the thought of that scared you into further burrowing your face into Toriel's furry shoulder in the present moment.

"Oh, little one…" Toriel soothed, laying her cheek against the back of your head. "Everything will be okay, I promise you. Even if things are bad right now, they will get better in the future."

You nodded your head against her shoulder.

Toriel made a thoughtful noise. "Perhaps we should bake something."

Bake something? You looked up at the clock on your wall, noting the time; two in the morning was hardly a time to _bake_ something. You turned your eyes up to Toriel and told her as such with a small smile and a soft giggle.

Toriel's expression brightened considerably at the display. "Well, we can make an exception today...Err, to _night_? ...This morning?" She shook her head at her own rambling, eliciting another giggle from you. "Regardless, I'm sure we'll be having _some_ company tomorrow." She was probably right - hardly any days passed without a visit from your friends from the Underground. "We should have some food prepared for them, should we not?"

Well, you couldn't argue with that. You pulled your face away from Toriel's fur so you could properly meet her gaze, and nodded your agreement.

"Then let's go!" Toriel smiled brightly, pressing a kiss to your forehead and lifting you as she stood.

You kept your arms around her neck as she walked out of the room. With the vision of her sorrowful expression crumbling to dust in your mind, you wanted to be as close to her as possible.

"What kind of pie shall we bake, hmm?" Toriel thought aloud as she turned the lights on in the kitchen. She made a move to set you down on the counter, but your grip instinctively tightened; you were somewhat embarrassed by the clingy action, but silently justified it by your young age and the violent things you saw in your dreams.

Toriel didn't seem to mind at all, though, and simply shifted you into one arm as she opened the cabinets with the other, grabbing for ingredients. "What do you think, Frisk? Butterscotch or cinnamon?"

You thought for a moment before deciding on a combination of the flavors, a butterscotch-cinnamon pie. Toriel smiled at your idea.

"A true classic. Very nostalgic," she said, getting a bowl ready.

Baking with Toriel had become one of your favorite activities since reaching the Surface. Not only was it fun and taught you some useful survival skills for adult life (because what would happen if you were living by yourself and _starving_? You _needed_ to know how to make a proper pie to feed yourself!), but it often calmed you down after having bad thoughts or nightmares. Toriel seemed aware of this, as she often suggested the activity when you seemed down about something.

You watched Toriel pull out the rest of the supplies, and stiffened when you caught sight of the knife, sitting among the other pieces of silverware in the drawer. Only regretful memories were associated with the innocent utensil for you - you remember swinging your own 'toy' knife around, and around, and around, cutting down anything that stood in your way, including…

Quickly, you pressed your face against Toriel's fur again, needing the reassurance that she was still alive and present, and you felt her look down at you in surprise. "Frisk? What is it?"

You couldn't risk opening your eyes; any time you saw a knife, you only remembered the bad things you did, in those other worlds. And as a result of that, any time you laid your eyes on the weapon, temptation flared up within you, as Chara's persuasive murmurs entered your mind. They tried to pull you back down into the darkness, into the true depths of hell, you believed.

Toriel seemed to understand what had spooked you, and closed the drawer silently so she could place her free paw on your back. "It's all over now, Frisk; there's nothing to be afraid of anymore."

That wasn't true: Flowey was still out there, somewhere, trapped in the Underground; Chara wouldn't leave you alone, either, and threatened to take everything you loved away from you; Sans knew who you were and what you've done, and, therefore, what you were capable of, even now, after the 'good ending.'

And, lastly, there was _you_. You scared yourself more than you scared Toriel, and in a different way. You knew, just as well as Sans, what you were capable of, and the possibilities of your now open-ended future _terrified_ you.

So the knife on the counter was only a reminder of how one small action - simply picking up an innocent object and swinging it at someone - could ruin _everything_ in a matter of _seconds._

Toriel suddenly sighed, and started walking away from the counter. You looked up from her shoulder in surprise, watching the supplies move farther away as Toriel exited the kitchen. Her expression was unreadable as she walked into the living room with you, turned on the lights, and sat down in 'Chairiel II,' her new reading chair on the Surface.

"No more running away," Toriel said, meeting your gaze with a serious expression. Her eyes looked similar to that time she challenged you to prove your strength in the Ruins, but you quickly cast that thought aside; you didn't like to think about that time. "My child, these dreams...I'm worried about you, and I don't know how to help you."

You told her there wasn't much she could do to help; it was a lost cause.

"How do you know for sure?" she pressed, looking more determined. You felt your own resistance fading; when Toriel looked at you like that, you couldn't say no to her… Maybe Toriel had a point after all; part of you, a small part that had been growing in size since you'd woken up, believed confiding in Toriel could be beneficial after all.

"Though I may not be able to undo the thing of the past that is now plaguing your dreams, I might be able to help you cope with it. Talking about it is already one way to start healing. _Please_ , Frisk."

Her words suddenly seemed to be the key to unlocking the barrier around your soul, as you found yourself stumbling over an unexpected waterfall of words and apologies and confessions through tears. You grabbed onto her clothes with a sense of urgency, holding onto her with balled fists as if she would disintegrate into a pile of dust at any moment.

You first told her you could reset the world whenever you wanted, and that you had before. She looked confused, and you admitted you're not sure why you have that ability either; all you knew was Sans seemed to know what you could do, as well as what you _did_ , and it frightened you immensely. You then pushed out the hardest confessions, of the deaths of all your friends at _your_ hands, including her own.

Afraid of how she would react, you swiftly moved onto explaining that it was all Chara's doing, and that everything was Chara's fault, including Asriel's death. You skipped over Flowey's true identity, deciding to save that revelation for another late night heart-to-heart with Toriel. Chara's unwavering presence was enough to deal with currently, as you confessed that getting Chara out of your head seemed impossible.

You ended with another apology, and murmurs of understanding if Toriel didn't love you anymore...it would make sense for her to turn you away now, as you were an outright _threat_ to her safety and everyone's happy ending. But, deep down, you held onto the selfish hope that Toriel would forgive you, and keep you forever; you never wanted to leave her, especially not after this long journey to free her and the rest of monsters.

Toriel nodded along with your explanation, and let you cry for a few moments at the end. Halfway through your (probably) tenth apology, though, she silenced you by laying her paw on your head, gently ruffling your hair as she usually did.

"Thank you for sharing with me, my child," she murmured, lowering her paw to your cheek. She lightly brushed a few tears away with her thumb. "It is alright, Frisk. Everything is fine now."

You looked skeptical, and reminded her of the fact that you had killed her before.

"Well, you learned from that, judging by the look on your face now," Toriel said. "It seems that my test in the Ruins held more meaning than I originally intended: not only measuring your strength and endurance, but also your compassion."

You insisted that you did not deserve her forgiveness or her kindness.

"What matters now is that you didn't repeat your mistakes this time," Toriel argued. "You fought against the temptations each encounter presented you. I am so, so proud of you for that."

Toriel's compassion went too far sometimes, you believed. If her eagerness to care for and adopt a child she'd only known for a day had baffled you before, Toriel had managed to best herself this time. She knew who you had been and what you were still capable of, yet still treated you like the innocent, fallen child she found in the Ruins - the realization only made you cry more.

Something in Toriel's expression changed, as her eyes held a more... _distant_ look. The capacity for tears was there, yet she shed none; her eyes darkened slightly, indicating she was recalling a far memory. "Little one...what you said about Chara…" Toriel trailed off for a moment, as if trying to find the words.

You filled the silence with another apology; you didn't mean to ruin her memories of her second child. Chara picked on you constantly and liked to dwell on the _what if_ s the deaths of each of your friends would bring. They, Chara, were not a friend to you; they were more evil than Flowey, who was (technically) the real victim in all of this.

"Chara was a troubled child...they always seemed easy to anger. They acted out a few times, though Asr-my son loved them dearly," Toriel said, eyes suddenly glistening with tears. "I never thought they would come back into my life this way, but...oh, Frisk, I'm so sorry. Perhaps if I had been a better mother to them...Chara would have…"

You shook your head; Toriel was the _best_ mother you'd ever known, not that you'd known very many good ones. None of this was her fault. Chara was the one who acted out and refused to let go of their hateful feelings. You gently reminded Toriel of this.

"Yes, my child, you're right...no matter what I may feel now, it won't change what has happened," Toriel said, wiping her tears away. She then cast her eyes down on you again. "And the same goes for you. What's going on now, with your nightmares and Chara's voice taunting you...despite everything, you can't change what you did in the other timelines."

You wished you could _so badly_ , which was why you had fought so hard to obtain this future _._

Toriel voiced your thoughts. "You can, however, choose how you live and what you do here, in this one, where you've brought all the monsters to the Surface and allowed everyone to live." She paused. "Also, Frisk, I...I have actually talked to Sans about some of these things before."

You flinched a little at his mention, but were curious at her words. Toriel had talked to Sans about the past timelines before?

"He didn't go into much detail, but made it clear that you possessed some form of higher power than most people could comprehend," Toriel said. "I didn't know the extent of it until now, but it all makes sense...Perhaps it would be helpful for you to talk to Sans about your dreams as well."

The thought of it greatly intimidated you, but Toriel continued. "He can at least understand your feelings better than I can, since he is aware of these things as they've happened. I doubt he would do anything to hurt you, but if he does, I promise I will protect you."

Toriel's words helped you feel a little better about Sans' relationship with you, but you still felt a little uneasy. That being said, you knew complex feelings like these couldn't just be dealt with overnight; otherwise, it wouldn't have taken you so long to achieve the best, possible ending for your friends and yourself. Just knowing that Toriel would be there for you should Sans say something scary to you again was enough.

Toriel said no more, and the two of you sat in silence for a while after that. Toriel held you close, her arms keeping you in her protective embrace. You laid your head against her chest, waiting for your tears to subside.

Once you reached the sniffling stage, Toriel kissed your forehead. You looked up at her then, and she offered you a warm smile in return. "It's very late, my child. You should get some more sleep."

You immediately shook your head.

"We can finish - well, _start_ \- baking tomorrow morning."

You firmly held onto Toriel's nightgown as you told her you didn't want to go back to sleep, fearful of the land of demons that your mind was sure to return to.

In the distance, you thought you could hear Chara laughing. They thought you were _pathetic._

"I have an idea," Toriel reassured you, dismissing Chara's silent voice and lifting you as she stood up. You clung tightly to her, afraid she would return you to your dark, empty, solitary room. But after she turned off the lights of the living room and walked up the stairs, she didn't stop at your door.

She continued walking further down, flipping the hall light on as she made it to her own room. You watched curiously as she turned the light onto the lowest setting so her room wasn't completely dark. Toriel's actions took you off guard a bit, which you conveyed in your expression with a small frown.

Toriel gave a soft laugh at your confused display. "I figured that if something happens in your dreams again, this will make it easier for me to help you out of it. Similarly, perhaps knowing I am right next to you will prevent your dreams of my death a little bit."

You simply stared at Toriel for a few moments, feeling so _loved_ that you had trouble comprehending it. Before your descent into the Underground, you couldn't remember the last time you'd meant so much to another person; ironically, in this world, the true, textbook-definition monsters tended to be the _humans_ , as the _actual_ monsters below Mt. Ebott readily offered you so much love once you made your nonviolent intentions clear.

She reached down with one paw to pull back the covers of her bed, and then moved to lie down. You loosened your grip on her finally, settling next to her as she pulled the covers back over the two of you. Toriel gave you a gentle smile.

Shyly, you mumbled your gratitude to her.

"Sshh, just sleep now, Frisk," Toriel urged you, patting your arm. "I'll be here for anything you need, alright?"

You nodded with a yawn, laying your head against her arm. Though not the most comfortable position for either of you, the assurance that you were there for each other outweighed the physical issues.

The following day was sure to be interesting - Toriel hadn't had a lot of time to really process everything you had told her, especially the things about Chara. (Though, she seemed to be relatively unsurprised by the fact that Chara harbored such violent tendencies...just like Asriel had told you back in the Underground.) Regardless, you knew now you didn't have to be alone in your fight with Chara; now that Toriel was aware of what they had done (and were _still_ doing) to you, maybe you wouldn't have to suffer alone. Maybe you could finally beat Chara and actually protect everyone.

Maybe you wouldn't have to reset this time.

* * *

 **A/N:**

* ( Is writing my author's notes like this getting annoying yet? Haha. )

* ( Also, I know we typically use Chara-possessing-Frisk for post-genocide pacifist runs, but I figured once you kill something, you open that door for Chara to come in and mess stuff up. )


End file.
